My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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