Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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