So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
