I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
