I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said âEat Freshâ while his GF was with him. FML
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