Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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