TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize