I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
