Soap is not a condiment
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
