i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
