they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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