so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
