I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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