just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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