im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize