brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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