I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize