Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
