he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
