My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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