If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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