okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
