I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
