He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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