Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
