I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
