I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I need moral support for this bender
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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