wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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