i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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