I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
