Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
from now on my penis is your penis
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
