i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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