if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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