When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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