when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
