we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
