im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
