had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
