I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
