im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
