I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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