The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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