I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
