First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
