What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
