He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
