just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How's work?
Spinning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
