I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
