I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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