I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
