this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
