Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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