Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize