Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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