I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
