Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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