We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
