Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
