I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
