Tell her she can't have a vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
