By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
