garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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