the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
