Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize