stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
