I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
