I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
