honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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