My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
false alarm, still single
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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