when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
