I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
